I am surround by idiots. Last night I went to pick up a new batch of contact lenses at my local optician (I have those lenses that I change monthly and I always get a 6 month supply). The store where I get them, has been taken over by some big European optician company and ever since, the service has gone downhill. For instance: they used to automatically re-order my lenses and then either call me or send me a card telling me they were ready for me to pick ‘m up. Well, that changed where I have to go up to the store myself, tell them I am running out and make them re-order (wtf?). So I walk up to the dumb cow nice lady behind the counter, and ask: “Uhm, yeah, I am here to pick up my lenses, are they in already?” (I walked by a week and a half ago and told them I was running out). Right there the miscommuncation started: like instant bad chemistry (or farting in a crowded elevator – whichever you are more experienced with).
She looked at me with the blank expression of someone who just got some indecent proposal or something (in reality she probably had a meltdown in her one braincell and thus problems processing the input). As if the concept of someone picking something up was new to her. Anyway she got her fat ass into gear and opened the big drawer behind the counter. “What is your name?” she asked. I answered her and about a minute later she came up with my lenses (by then two collegues where standing behind her).
Now, the normal procedure is that they check if they just picked the right lot by checking my address, like: “You’re Mr. Jones from Hill Road 123?”. I mean: there might be more customers with the same name. But for some weird reason she deviated and asked: “What is your date of birth?”. Since they never asked that before, it caught me off guard, so I answered her question and added “Well, that’s a bit of a tricky question, isn’t it?” (implying that since most women do not like to admit their age, why would she assume men don’t care?). Her collegues standing behind her (both women too) *exactly* understood what I was implying and both smiled at me for my joke.
The dumb git lady however, did not understand my remark and started to defend her question.
“Oh, I was just checking to see if you really are who you say you are, sir”.
(Instead of the only logical and right answer: “Oh, I just checked if I picked the right bacth for you, so I don’t hand you the wrong lenses”)
Uhhm, sorry? What? I mean: besides the possibility that I *might* be picking up the lenses for my spouse a relative or friend (in which case my DOB and name would not match anyway), what the hell are the chances that I would go into a store, pose like someone else and pick up their lenses? Like, dude: where is the logic behind that? Besides: what would be the odds that they actually would match my own prescription?
I processed all this in about half a nano-second (Mr. Spock and Mr. Tuvok would be proud) and decided to not let this stupidity go and make a remark about it at her expense.
“Oh, I understand. Does it happen a lot that people pose as someone else and pick up someone else’s contacts?”
Her collegues just started to crack up at that remark, but she just looked at me as if I just suggested that cars run on water – which, by the way: they do.
I proceeded: “I bet I can make some money that way: take someone else’s lenses, hold them ‘hostage’ and then demand some ransom money. Right?”
Her collegues started to laugh out loud at that and even the store manager, who just walked in when she was asking for my DOB, cracked up big time at my remarks.
All the time the lady was just staring at me (using her precious one braincell to proccess it all), and going through the motions of putting my contacts and contact fluids in a plastic bag.
But even that simple task seemed to much for her: the contact fluids come in a nice big orange box, and my contacts are in two boxes the size of a pack of cigarettes. They just fit right into one of their regular plastic bags that I saw behind the counter. But no, she had to unpack the box (wtf?) and stuff everything into a tiny plastic bag the size of a napkin. So it bulged and was on the brink of ripping because all of this abuse. Jeezzzz Louise!
I just wanted to shout (like a cop at a carjacker): “LADY, PUT DOWN THE BOX NOW! Get a regular bag.” Instead I just marvelled at her weirdness, shrugged it off and walked back to my appartment wondering how people like that actually manage getting through life. It is a moment like this I just pray Darwin was right.
There is nothing more frightening then stupidity in action.