Yes folks, there is nothing more frightening than ignorance in action. Especially when it comes to politics (let’s say, Bush) or – closer to home – my work. Now, besides some exceptions, I normally do not write about my (current) work. Well, this is gonna be one of those exceptions.
Yesterday I had the pleasure of attenting a board meeting at my company (2nd time). The company I work for consists of 8 subsidiaries (actually 9 but one is inactive) that have been bought over the last 15 years or so and now are part of a group. At the core of the group is a printing company and the subsidiary that I work for is the IT/pre-media company. Now, because of the history of the company, the board consists of three directors (or maybe it’s four if I count the CFO). Of those three (or four) people, two are in control of (overall) daily operations. Both only have knowlegde of the print world. And, since they are ‘self-made men’, they have no management background (MBA or otherwise) whatsoever. Off course having proper education doesn’t mean a thing: I have seen great CEO’s that never went to university or anything. On the other hand: for some people it would definately help to have at least some basic management (an people) skills and theoretical knowlegde of how to run a business.
Well, to summarize the capabilities of those two CEO’s: the first thing that pops into my mind is the image of a second hand car salesman. You know the type: all talk and flash and no substance. In fact: they are living proof that the Peter Principle exists. Well, the meeting was – just like the last time – chaotic and completely ad hoc and unprepared. I really can’t stand this kind of unorganized crap – especially from people that are supposed to be leading the company. If they would have been generals and this was a war, soldiers would die because of their Charlie Foxtrot! Needless to say; I certainly made some friends in high places yesterday… Not.
The last time we had a meeting like this, the two geniusses had prepared some half-assed document that was supped to be some kind of ‘strategic document’. But once we were at the meeting it was completely an utterly kicked into the ground. It was full of bullshit and just dumbass general stuff that a 6 year old could have come up with. Anyway: some politically touchy subjects passed the table (especially sales related) and afterwards I’m sure the two felt our hostility and basic distrust towards them and their (in)competence.
Anyway: as expected it took three weeks before we got the minutes for the meeting and – surprise, surprise – they were heavilly censored. All the stuff that really mattered (mostly comments from our sales force) didn’t make it. On the positive side: everyone felt it was a good thing that we all were invited and got a chance to say what we were thinking. And being able to vent what we all think is never a waste of time.
So, yesterday was the second time we would meet. I was there exactly at 3pm as were some others. But this time our complete sales team was AWOL. One of the three CEO’s was on vacation, another manager had called in sick at the last minute and one walked in 30 minutes late with some lame excuse. Well, that was the basic setting for the whole meeting: half-assed and unprepared.
Instead of setting an agenda and mailing this before the meeting so we could prepare for the meeting (guess that was just to radical an idea), they just slapped a copy of the minutes of the last meeting on the desk together with an agenda that looked like it was made up the last second.
‘Strategic’
According to the agenda we were supposed to have some progress report on several actions we had from our last meeting and a ‘brainstorm session’ about ‘how we will play the market, ‘how do we get new customers’ and – my favorite – ‘where are we going with our company’. Hmm, that sounded pretty strategic and important, right?
Off course it helped that A) none of our sales team wase there, B) some other key-people never showed up either and C) no one had any time to prepare theirselves for the meeting since they slapped the agenda on the table when we were there. Anyway: they started (as usual) with some incoherant speech that left everyone puzzled. Bottomline: the meeting wasn’t about any strategic questions (in fact: I’m sure they don’t even know how to spell the word ‘strategic’ let alone that they ever looked up the meaning in the dictionary).
The ‘brainstorm session’ itself was one big farce as well. If they would have known (general managers skill) anything at all about brainstorming, they would have known that there are a few rules: no idea is strupid, and critisism is not allowed. So what do they do: they dogged every idea that we could come up with by saying” “that’s to expensive” or “that will cost money”. Rrrright… That really helps.
Basically the whole meeting painfully showed how fucking dumb and incompetent they are. Its like the generals of an army asking their soldiers how they should do their job, how they should attack – and even more frightening: who and why they attack?
You expect from a general that he has at least has a fucking general clue how he wants to win the war. That there is a plan. That some basic strategy is involved (‘let’s outflank the bastards’). And most important: that you and your soldiers have the basic skills to win a war.
Other than the millitary analogy the only way I can describe my feelings:
It’s like they took control of a Boeing 747 but they don’t know how to fly. So all they do is jerk the stick and push some buttons and pretend they are in control. It’s just because of the fact the plane is already in the air, otherwise it would have never taken off in the first place. Scary thing is: when will the plane crash?
I mean: they ARE managers. And yes, obviously they know how to drive, or otherwise we would not have been where we are now. Kudos for that. But people, get real: the fact that you can drive a car does not qualify you to fly.
And here is my point exactly: in my view I do not hold them responsible for not knowing how to fly. But I do hold them responsible for not recognizing/admitting that fact. Every manager/person has his limits. But as long as you recognize this and admit to it, you can always get help. Or try to learn more.
In other words: if you need to fly take some lessons OR hire a damn pilot! But for FUCKS sake: do not PRETEND you’re a pilot.
Man, I felt like I was in a real-life Dilbert cartoon!
Anyway: the only people asking some substantial questions were myself and my collegue. But even the simplest questions would not be answered. For one reason only. They never had a fucking clue in the first place.
After 2 hours of this agonizing shit – pulling my toenails suddenly seemed like an ‘exciting’ hobby – we finally agreed that we probaly needed another meeting to talk everything through and prepare for that meeting – duh! First they wanted to schedule the next meeting for October or so, but after the group revolted, they decided on the end of this month – but not at any day there are soccer matches (jeeezzzz). And we were going to do the ‘brainstorming’ all over again as well – arrghhhh!
So this morning I decided to ‘help’ the two pinheads by sending them a brainstorming template in PowerPoint. Maybe they could learn a thing or two from it and – hopefully – make the next meeting into something that actually helps us forward.
But low and behold: one of them just mailed me back, telling me that he did understood my need for more ‘structured’ meetings, but that these meetings were not to ‘keep us busy for a couple of hours’ but to ‘generate sales’ and – by the way – he didn’t like my ‘difficult questions and attitude’ so he ‘surely wouldn’t invite’ me for the next meeting…..
And that calls himself a manager? LMFAO.
Luckily I do not work for him directly.
Now, the bad part is that I now find myself surrounded by the same type of incompetent managers here, that run my last company. I tried to avoid them as the plague this time, but boy; reality bites. The incompetent pricks that called themselves “manager” at my previous job DID crash the plane. And suddenly they seem to work here as well.
Well, I have something to say to them:
LMFAO…